Breakfasts around the world, ranked by depravity

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There has undoubtedly never been an internet blog post on the topic of breakfast that did not begin with some sort of permutation of the pre-canned line: ‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day’.

Perhaps shockingly to some individuals, it turns out that this ‘Pearl of Wisdom’ is a barefaced lie.

That being said, the interpretation of what constitutes breakfast is one that varies widely around the world from the dull, but healthy to literal heart attacks on plates.

11. Switzerland: Müsli

Scientifically engineered by a Swiss doctor in the early 20th century to be a perfectly nutritiously balanced meal, this mix of rolled oats, dried fruits, and nuts does not usually offer much in the way of flavour.

One can try to enliven the dish with novel toppings or by swapping milk for yoghurt, but nevertheless, the underlying fact remains that you are essentially eating something with the texture of damp cardboard.

10. China: Congee

A dedicated morning meal is seemingly more of a Western concept that hasn’t really taken root in many of the other world cuisines.

This is definitely true in China, along with several other nearby Asian countries, where a common go-to breakfast is gloopy watery rice that was probably just left out and forgotten about from the night before.

If you’re lucky (and adventurous), there may be some Meat Floss lying around that can be sprinkled on top to add some semblance of flavour.

9. Brazil: Fruit

On the rare occasion a Brazilian is awake at an hour early enough to be considered breakfast time, their morning food of choice is likely not much more than a cup of sugary black coffee alongside a couple bits of fresh fruit.

That being said, coffee and fruit in Brazil does tend to be quite good, so maybe non-Brazilians are actually the ones missing out on something here?

8. Australia: Vegemite on Toast

Aussies will seemingly take any opportunity to promote the notion that their daily breakfast ritual consists of a ‘Smashed Avo’ on toast accompanied by a Flat White (i.e. a cappuccino with slightly less milk froth that costs twice as much).

This is no doubt a fabrication since in reality the majority of Australians cannot bother themselves to prepare anything more complicated than a glob of Vegemite smothered on a couple bits on stale, burnt toast.

7. France: Gauloises & Coffee

Apparently, the illustrious culinary reputation boasted by the French does not begin before noon. Rather a brief morning routine of nicotine, caffeine and pessimism is the favoured choice. Much like this depressing pairing, the less said the better.

6. Italy: Cappuccino & Pastry

Italians enjoy breakfast in a similar vein to the French, except the coffee is good and nicotine is substituted for sugar and cream.

On second thought, this doesn’t sound half-bad…

5. Vietnam: Phở

As with other countries in Asia, breakfast as we imagine is simply not done in Vietnam. The locals here appear to be instead quite content with having whatever was planned for lunch later that day.

In this case, the consumption of the national dish, Phở, would be a rather common sight during the morning hours.

4. Germany: Weißwurstfrühstück (White Sausage Breakfast)

As with other countries in Asia, breakfast as we imagine is simply not done The German cuisine is particularly renowned for two things: sausage and beer.

With that, it should therefore not be much of a surprise to learn that many Germans, particularly those in the southern region of Bavaria, elect to begin their day by ingesting copious amounts of sausages smothered in mustard, soft pretzels, and of course, Weissbier (wheat beer).

Perhaps starting the day off with a buzz could be what makes Germans so efficient?

3. United Kingdom (also Ireland): Full English/Scottish/Welsh/Ulster/Cornish/Irish

Regardless of which corner on the British Isles you may find yourself in, there is no doubt always a ‘Full *insert specific region* Breakfast’ to be had.

While the exact contents on the plate differs across the countries, it’ll be some sort of variation of sausage, bacon, eggs, black pudding, baked beans, tomatoes and sometimes mushrooms, washed down with several cups of strong milky tea.

2. USA: ‘Grand Slam’

Nothing else truly represents breakfast in America better than the iconic ‘Grand Slam Breakfast’. The sheer gluttonous serving of salt, fat, and sugar to start off the day is simply unparalleled by anything else in the world.

Probably most shockingly of all, is that this meal will undoubtedly be later followed by a lunch and dinner of a similar calibre.

1. Canada: Ceaser

One could easily assume that breakfast in Canada is essentially the same as what’s being served south-of-the-border with the only distinction being that everything is drowned in Maple Syrup.

This is for the most part true, however Canadians can certainly make claim that the ‘Brunch Ceaser’ takes the throne as the most depraved ‘food’ consumed for breakfast.

It’s not the cocktail itself that is depraved (which contains Clam Juice as an integral ingredient), but rather that the drink is used as a base to host an incredulous quantity of seemingly non-breakfast foods.


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4 comments

  1. I am an Australian living in France and I get vegemite sent over regularly so I can continue eating a traditional Australian breakfast. I would argue that it is at least better than my French partners breaskfast of stale bread dunked in his bowl of instant coffee

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