Snarky News of the Week #19

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As usual, here is a summary of the various things happening around the world this week. For the previous week’s edition see Snarky News of the Week #18.

French backpacker avoids death by punching a shark

In what appears to be further proof that everything in Australia wants to kill you, a French backpacker was recently attacked by a shark off the coast of Bells Beach in the south-eastern state of Victoria.

Floating precariously on top of a surfboard when the sea creature appeared, the Frenchman was able to strike the shark twice before quickly paddling back ashore to safety.

During the struggle, the 23-year-old escaped with relatively minor lacerations in his leg. Although despite this close encounter, he has stated that “in one week, when my leg is okay, I will go surfing at the same spot”.

After the attack, the shark continued to swim around the area and even nudged another surfer, before the beach was temporarily then shut.

Californian man wearing only underwear glugs wine from a moving truck

After assumingly being suddenly struck with an insatiable thirst for wine, a Californian man decided the best course of action was to jump on a moving truck transporting wine.

Donning only a pair of boxers, the man was able to stealthily climb underneath the big rig as it proceeded to drive at highway speeds. A valve was then unscrewed with wine gushing into his mouth and onto the road.

The driver only noticed something unusual when the dashboard gauge indicated a sudden loss of hundreds of gallons of liquid.

All in all, the wine heist resulted in approximately 5,000 bottles worth of red wine being spilled onto Highway 99 in Modesto, California.

Annual knob-eating competition in Dorset to be done online

To the potential disappointment of many, the annual knob-eating competition in Dorset will not be held in-person, but rather live-streamed online.

100 competitors will record themselves gorging on as many of the local biscuits as they can in one minute, with 14 standing as the current world record.

The difficulty with consuming a large quantity of Dorset knobs within a short period is due to the fact that they are very dry. Since the world record was set in 2015, no contestant has managed to eat more than seven.

Dorset residents can consider themselves lucky as the related event, the Dorset knob-throwing festival, has unfortunately been cancelled until next year.

Greece reopening to tourists starting from July 1st

Due to the enviable success experienced by Greece regarding their containment of the Coronavirus, the country is planning to reopen to international tourists beginning July 1st.

Anyone arriving in the Mediterranean country will be required to undergo a medical screening including a Coronavirus swab test, with results being shared within 12 hours.

This new approach for allowing foreign visitors, however, will not include low-cost tourists or backpackers, but instead be focusing on the high-end sector such as those arriving on yachts.

Qantas postpones launch of world’s longest flight

At 19-and-a-half hours, the direct flights from New York and London to Sydney were set to be the longest in the world. However, due to the plummeting number of travellers, the launch of this prestigious route operated by Qantas will be delayed.

Dubbed Project Sunrise, the ultra-long-haul flight would certainly test the limits for how long one is able to endure spending almost twenty hours in a tin can.

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